So many of us, especially as we grow older and become more experienced with life, will inevitably succumb to emotional pains, heartbreaks, let-downs, disappointments, and failures. In many cases, as a result, these dreaded and sometimes unbearable growing pains can bring us to a place of introversion, distrust, emotional distance, and judgment. As a result of this, we are missing out on all of the good opportunities that still exist- that are still available for us to participate in, willingly, if we choose to. So why do we stray from it all after the pain and hurt from failures, heartbreaks, betrayals, and disappointments? The answer is simple. We don’t want to be hurt again. We don’t want to feel that pain again. We don’t want to give someone the opportunity to hurt us. We become guarded and our ego becomes, in a way, too proud to take a chance to care and be cared for in return. Even though that’s understandable, considering the pain you’ve endured, it’s simply not the solution to your problems. Distancing yourself from what you deserve; life, love, the pursuit of happiness, success (in all ways). You find yourself confined, as you ran astray from society. You find yourself bland, as you ran away from chance. You may find safety in your solitude but are you really satisfied as a whole? It’s human nature to possess the need to feel included, to feel accepted, to feel wanted, and to have a healthy and balanced social life outside of your personal zone. So after all of the wreckage that we have endured, how can we overcome it to start anew with the world around us? How can we diminish our restrictions that prevent us from exploring new chances, new opportunities, and new experiences?
Well first, we must acknowledge that our restrictions are self-imposed. At first, that statement may disturb you if you are still in pain and need to heal. Your ego has become jagged and jaded and bitter from all of the deceit, betrayal and pain from outside sources. Before you turn away from helpful solutions, first understand this. Even though we have all been hurt, betrayed, broken, bruised, damaged, and beaten (emotionally and physically), we were part of that. We experienced something with our own free will. We were merely a small figment of the entire picture that embodied the outside vision of the situation or circumstance that occurred. Other people involved in these situations may have also been hurt from what you experienced. Those who have hurt you may have been going through something deeper than you were ever aware of. They may have had their own underlying pain, trust issues, insecurities, and so on. And as a result of that, you were affected.
So instead of running and hiding from the world after everything that made you suffer, first find peace in knowing that it wasn’t a direct reflection of yourself or what you deserve. These moments that tore you apart are the moments that should eventually draw a light of understanding. Understanding that perhaps you can choose the direction of your social life and potentially even your love life. You can choose the direction of your career path. You can choose how you want to live. It’s all in the power of choice. And when we realize (maybe even yet again) that we are in control of what we choose, we can find more comfort in the fact that we can establish a new direction that will suit us best based on our wants, needs, and interests (while still being fair to the world around us).
It’s fair to say that this isn’t necessarily going to be a simple and easy healing process. But there are solutions and ways that we can heal ourselves without running to the doctor for a diagnosis only for him to put you on some medication that is going to fog your mind and mask your pains and, in some instances, dig you a deeper hole with side-effects from these medications. Such common side-effects include the typical weight gain, bloating, fatigue, depression, dehydration, and the list goes on. Placebo theory may sound nice but it doesn’t heal you. It can ultimately hurt you and make you become farther from yourself. I’m sure that some would disagree, however, we live in a culture of modern day society that promotes wellness and healing from a powerful force of money-making entrepreneurs and large brand corporations. So it’s important for us to be aware that our wellness is not always the main concern of these highly profitable establishments. They are driven by financial success, marketing, advertising, and sales. And frankly, they find opportunity in people that are down-and-out looking for an outside solution to their troubles (most especially when it comes to mental and emotional health and well-being). So, with that being said, I’ve devised a list of ways that we can take healing into our own hands and find true peace and happiness within so that we can become ready to start anew. The best part about this list is that we can do it ourselves and it’s more effective (if you give yourself the time and patience to persevere).
Healing Yourself After Pain – DIY Solutions:
Reading books is a great way to find inspiration from others who have also endured pain and found success in healing. Self-help books, success stories, and books that entail the fall and rise of others will help us better understand that we are not alone and that we can grow into newfound life and love after pain and hurt. When looking for a book, there are many resources. For starters, Amazon Kindle, Audible (for audiobooks), your local public library, and even Barnes & Noble are all available (to name a few). You can always follow a good inspiration blog on WordPress as well.
~Self Assurance / Affirmations / Mantras / Prayer / Positive Talk
The law of attraction is a real thing. The world is vastly becoming more aware of this powerful rule. What we project out into the universe (or the atmosphere around us), whether we are alone behind closed doors or out in public, will manifest. Our thoughts and words and actions are a direct reflection of how we are and what we are. So to grumble about pain and hurt and how you hate and distrust everyone is going to project angry, sad, bitter, and jaded. To overcome that, try starting small. Repeat some mantras over and over in the comfort and privacy of your own home. If you want love, start by saying “I am love, I am love, I am love”. Repeat it over and over. Both psychologically and within the laws of physics, we will feel and become love and love will become us. It will manifest and we will attract it. Try writing out some positive affirmation. Grab a pen or pencil and write down the wonderful qualities about yourself and about life. Write them down and then read them aloud every day. With patience, practice and endurance, you will soon see your strengths growing and it will multiply into more. Others will notice too! Try praying. You don’t have to be religious to pray. Trust and believe that there is a force that is greater than you (and there is). Then pray to it. Talk to your spirit guide, your God, your angel, your Allah, your energy force, your whatever-you-want-to-label-it-as and ask for guidance and express how you feel. The more you do this, the more you will begin to realize the subtleties of life and see the signs that follow from your prayers. You will begin to read between the lines and find inspiration, guidance, hope, intuition, instinct, and enlightenment as a result of these powerful prayers or spiritual monologs that will evolve into dialogues. I say dialogues because ultimately you will do the talking and you will receive replies in other forms of communication whether symbolically or a series of juxtaposition that will allow you to trust your feelings. Just try it out and you’ll be amazed. So, continue to search for the positive and remember to always be grateful for what you do have. Someone always has it worse than you. Thank the higher force / higher power, thank your friends, thank your family, thank your lover(s). Express appreciation and gratitude and in return you’ll be treasured and appreciated as well.
~Be Aware Of Your Surroundings
Okay so by now you realize you’ve been through some heavy shit. You’re hurt and you’re trying to heal. Congratulations on taking the first steps. But you should remember this important fact. There are other people in this world. The world does not revolve around you and only you. There are currently over 7.5 billion humans in the world population and it’s growing. We also have animals, plants, and many other living organisms. So now that you can better understand that the full picture is larger than the sum of your parts, you can apply grace to the world around you. Think before you talk. Are there young children around you while in public? Are you cursing up a bitch fit about your day while the struggling single mom with her own backstory and own life of obstacles is trying to navigate her children through the store while simultaneously trying to set a good example for her young ones? Be aware of your surrounding. Respect the world around you. Don’t litter. Don’t hurt others. Don’t disregard people. In short, don’t be an asshole. Do good for life and life will do good for you. Don’t expect it to be instant. Just do your part and let it come. Nothing is perfect. But practice this and you will find more respect from the world around you.
People, situations, and circumstances have been unfair to you and stabbed you in the back and even uprooted your life for temporary destruction. The key word is temporary. We are in control of the duration of its effect. We are also in control of how it affects us. You will find many occurrences where people hurt you, betray you, and offend you. Many times they don’t apologize, sadly. But understand that there are reasons why people don’t apologize. Sometimes people are too proud of themselves as they soak in their bloated ego and hide behind their artificial strength which prevents them from offering a genuine apology. Sometimes other people are going through some crazy shit too. And sometimes these people don’t actually know that they even hurt you. Perhaps that was never their intent and they didn’t realize it. With that being said, not everyone is aware of their surroundings even though they should be. Not everyone is doing their best. Not everyone is trying to find peace, happiness, love, and harmony as you are currently trying to do. So forgive them. Even if they don’t apologize, forgive them. It’s not your fault that they are assholes so why would you carry the burden of someone else’s pain? That is not your responsibility. Consider the source, know your place, and move on. Yeah, so you’re offended. And maybe you even have a sensitive nature to yourself. Perhaps you are an empath and can easily feel the energies around you. That is a gift that comes with struggle. However, we can adapt in a way to overcome that struggle and make it disappear. Not everyone is in tune with harmony and not everyone has a depth of feeling- and if they do, not everyone is good at expressing it. If you are sensitive to energy and feeling, realize that you have natural gifts and use them the best of your abilities. Use them to heal yourself and others when the opportunity presents itself. And forgive others for what they do not understand. That is out of your control. Let it be and carry on with a positive distraction. Focus on what’s good.
~Excercize and food intake
At this point, we’ve touched on mind over matter. Building and maintaining ways to charge your mental and emotional psyche. We can also find happiness and fulfillment to heal by means of a balanced food and exercise regimen. Do what suits you best. We all have different bodies and routines. Make sure to get enough food but not too much. Eat for the right reasons- to live. Try eating healthy. More dark greens and less sugar and junk food. More lean protein and less fried food. More complex carbs and less starchy white carbs. Replace candy and junk food with some fruit. Ditch the waffles and try some eggs. Drink a lot of water. When you cleanse your body you will also cleanse your mind and how you feel physically and entirely as a whole. Incorporate some exercise. You don’t need a gym or equipment for starters. Just be physically active. It burns built up energy, keeps you busy and occupied from unnecessary distraction, releases endorphins in your body that promote good energy and happiness, and you’ll look and feel great. You will feel healthy and accomplished. Find your balance. Whatever works best for you, start discovering ways to incorporate healthy eating and exercise in your life. It doesn’t have to be a chore or conventional. Try yoga (with meditation), stretching, walking, jogging, jumping jacks, stair climbing, cardio, weight lifting, dancing, Zumba, palates, squats, lunges, planks, the list goes on… Just try different thing and discover how your body responds. Don’t expect Rome to be built in a day- it wasn’t. Things take time. Be patient with yourself but also, be persistent. Results will follow. Your actions will manifest. Make sure you give your body time to rest in between workouts. If you overexert or strain yourself, you may plateau. Let your batteries recharge and continue to find your way.
Practice these steps and find other creative ways to incorporate new hobbies and interest in your life and everything else that you’ve once dreamt of will either evolve into something new or fall into place. You will be fine, I promise. You will build new friendships, reconnect with good old friends, repair broken relations, free yourself of burdens, and attract positive ways to enjoy your life as a whole. I have the faith that you can do it and you should have faith in yourself too. Anyone is fully capable of striving to be the best that they can be despite any previous setbacks or hardships. And whenever in doubt, take a moment to look in the mirror and say to yourself, “Yes I can”. And you will. Because you can!