Memoir (3-9-2017)

Memoir Of A Moment In Time

I find myself here again craving change.  This is a moment of achieving a new milestone of accomplishments which induces a craving for something more.  Much like in a classic video game when reaching a new level and collecting more points, you move on to the next phase.  What do I crave?  Well…  A new scenery, a modified routine, more opportunity, a larger network, a new home.  All in which would create a more abundant path for growth and success.  My life has become my career and my career has become my life.  As a small business owner, I have adopted this “do or die” mentality and I cannot let go of it.  It’s all I have to keep me going and even on the most difficult days, I would not trade it for anything.  Of course, there are pros and cons but I’d much rather be obsessed and in love with my passion and way of life than to be lost and afraid without any other plan or resource.  Even when my resources are limited, as they have been throughout many times in this life, I always find a way to paint my visions over the course of time and by working with my resources.  Career wise- things are progressively looking up and moving forward and for that I am thankful.

Dating.  Well… Because of my lifestyle, I don’t really have much time for any of that.  As much as I love the idea of socializing and potentially meeting an excellent match, it’s been made quite difficult to find the time to set aside as an entrepreneur to go out on some wild scavenger hunt.  I’ve already dated so much throughout my early 20’s and have bared witness to what fate and chance have offered me and because of those relentless experiences, I find no motivation to waste the minimal amounts of free time that I have to sacrifice rest and self-care for the potential of further disappointment and utter annoyance.  Some would say that this mindset is pessimistic however, I must disagree – it’s realistic.  I’m not and never will be mister sunshine in a box.  I am human.  I accept myself and love myself for the reality that I am and the fearless reality that I create.  I am either loved and admired or feared, in which neither were drawn by my request, as it is a natural occurrence and observation. Do I like being single?  Well… compared to what I’ve dealt with and have previously experienced, yes – very much so.  But compared to my fading dreams of soul-level, husband-quality, wholesome yet wildly compatible love… it’s like waking from a dream and realizing that I have to get back to work. And as a result, I find my heart dull even though it is not empty.  But there is no doubt that I will always have available resources to fill my heart and my time with projects and experiences that I love to create and create to love.  My life is full yet changing.  And I’m ready for the next chapter.  A new move, more business opportunity, expansion, evolution, and aging gracefully into a new decade of my life.  A turning of age as my 30’s year approaches.  I can say among my goals and growth potential that even though there is so much that I have yet to accomplish, this is the best my life has ever been and for that, I am humbly grateful.

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