Diamond In The Dark

How does one escape the agonizing discontent of isolation and constant loneliness after all the wreckage of destructive interpersonal relationships?  To be content with oneself requires the ability to be happy alone, which makes sense and is easily attainable.  However, even while finding satisfaction with oneself, there comes a point where being alone can easily turn into isolation.  It’s an empty ache, a pain, and a void that must be filled by universal human needs.  We want to feel accompanied, we want to feel accepted, we want to feel cared for, to feel important, to belong; it’s in our nature.  But how can one overcome and submit to the idea of allowing anyone close again?  How can such tragedies unveil a new hope after such betrayal and defeat?  I don’t even remind myself that this is strength, for I feel weak and unnurtured.  I want to belong but for all of those countless times that I’ve ever tried to belong, to conform, to involve myself with others, there’s been so many times that I wish I hadn’t.  To grace them with my presence as they never cared to truly understand who I am and for them to, in turn, take me for granted.  Would you shit on a diamond?  Would you stab the heart of a loving child?  Would you betray your kin?  Would you disrupt the safety, security, and wellbeing of someone you truly cared about?  Or would you have the heart to embrace that person for the soul that it embodies?  Are you strong enough to care?  Are you wise enough to learn?  To understand?  To try?  To prove that there are still good people left in this world who actually give a fuck about life?  Some would say that I’m too scared to try but it is their ignorance that blinds them.  It’s not that I fear connection.  It’s that I’m all tried out.  I can be there but only if I know that there is valuable reason for my presence to accompany its environment.  Quietly I remain the unspoken gem.  The hidden light.  The diamond in the dark waiting to be discovered.

~J

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