Tired

A vague distant remembrance

Of what happiness felt like

As the days drag by

And I carry on with my chores

Repetition of struggle and hard work

For all the material possessions I collect

And debts to pay

Here alone, confined in my small apartment

Walls that surround me

Too cold outside to leave

Limited by legal restriction

Cannot drive

No subway

No plane

A curfew that I won’t even bother breaking

No substance to consume

Not even a glass of wine

So I pray

And I work

I pray and I work…

I sleep, sometimes

To wake up exhausted

I’m tired

They keep telling me- save yourself

But when you lose your own control

There is no other way

But to pray

And work

And stay

And try to sleep

Try to eat

Try to feel

My biggest fear

Is that

By the time this is all over

I won’t remember how to feel again

How to be happy

For I am hurt

And I am tired

I want to believe in miracles

So I pray

And work

And pray

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